Peeking Into Secrets
by Keeshe Kal'daka
Summary: Rogue and Scott romance. Peeking into Rogue's journal broke the trust Scott had been with counting on to be close to Rogue...[Updated!]
1. The journal

Peeking Into Secrets  
  
'We had many things in common…  
  
You can't open your eyes…  
  
I can't my heart…  
  
Wish could I feel a touch  
  
Of you against me…  
  
Heal my heart with your words…  
  
Only you see me differently…  
  
As a friend in need…  
  
But I want more then that--  
  
Marie paused her pen in writing, dark eyes looking up from the soft vanilla paper of her journal. Not a diary, a diary sounds too girlish for her taste, something Kitty would want. Brushing some loose strands of chestnut and snow white away from those searching eyes, behind her pierced ears, teeth nimble in her black painted lips. Watching the open door of her dorm room, she should have closed it, giving a little privacy she had to write. But her mind was itching over and over that poem to write it down. It felt so true, she had to get it out though she might go crazy!  
  
She wasn't much of a poet but that just crawling and nagged in her brain. Hairs on her arms prickled with warning. If Kurt found out he said she had this 'spider sense' like Spiderman. Ha! Everyone had this sensation, she just gets it more in tuned with it since she was more alone and cautious with her abilities. A curse more like it! She hated it, hated more so every day. Holding her breathe, the beating of her heart growing louder, the rush of blood ringing in her ears, she watched. Fingers slightly shaking, ready to close the book and shove it under her pillow.  
  
"Rogue!" Kitty's voice made her jump, the book falling from her limp hand and onto the bed. Damn. That girl really needs to stop that shrill voice of hers. Kitty bounded into her room, happy and cheerful where ever she went…never serious like Rogue or…Scott was. She keeps running in on anyone, hyper, hyper, hyper! She has got to lay off the Twinkies. Her hair bundled up in that high ponytail, her usual look, wearing anything bright but soft to the eyes, she always giggled. "Ooo…Whats that?" She was ready to snatch up the journal, but Marie had her athlete talent to beat her, plus being closer.  
  
"None'ah yah dam' business!"  
  
Kitty's face faltered, little bit hurt for Rogue's outburst, the scowl she was glaring at the girl. Blue eyes swimming with unshed tears, girls like Kitty don't like getting cursed or yelled at, sensitive type. "I'm sorry." She squeaked, curling her fingers to her chest. Rogue felt a twinge of guilt from that sad look on the girl's face. Her shoulders slumped from the tense strain she puts on them. "No, Aye'm sorrah." Voice thick of her southern belle, whispering, but protectively she clutched the journal to herself. "It's mine…Aye don't like anah one look n into eh." She muttered.  
  
The girl was fast with her emotions, one minute she's sad the next second she's happy again, like a light bulb was flicked on again. "Ok! I promise not to look in. We all need some things to ourselves… Like…hehe who we like." Kitty gave a knowing wink. Rogue hid the fact that some color of pink went to her pale cheeks. How did she know! Wait…She could be guessing. "Aye am not!" The blushing girl scoffed, and fell right into the trap. It gave her away. Kitty had that grin on her lips, caught her. Rogue was ready to haul her pillow that the sneak, wipe that smug look, but she bet the pillow would phase right through her.  
  
"I knew it! Who is he?!"  
  
"Who's who?"  
  
Rogue froze in her glare, the heart in her pounding harder, blood rushing more to her cheeks, changing them crimson. One of these days she is going to get Kitty back for saying those words out loud. She looked to her door way as Kitty turned slightly to look herself, cheeks flaming too, out of embarrassment. Scott! Rogue's breathe was stifled in her throat, a reaction to happen every time she sees him enter a room, a longing sigh to follow when he leaves. She couldn't hide her reactions, it would come naturally. Did he hear what they were saying? Deep down she truly hoped not. She wanted to keep these feelings to herself, so afraid to be crushed, beaten with heart broken tears.  
  
"Nobodah. Kittah was mak'n the wrong assumption." Pursing her lips to hold back the real truth. That she was writing her feelings…about him. Kitty gave a nod, lying to cover up, some girls do stick together, though Kitty had only guessed, she thought she was wrong? Phew!  
  
Inside her body was trembling, wondering what Scott was going to do now. Was he going to believe them or continue to question? He was a leader to them, he always primed himself to be in charged, to help his friends, he had to grow serious in every situation, even if nothing bad or dangerous was going on. He questions everything under suspicion. "Alright."  
  
'What?!'  
  
Rogue's jaw almost dropped, he wasn't going to argue or something? She felt that hurting disappointment, wanting to have him stay just a little longer, memorize what he wore and how he looked standing there. But now he was walking away, back down the long hall. That longing sigh came out as a wisp, nothing anyone like Kitty would notice. But the girl did notice Scott leaving like that, she had her jaw dropped and eyes wide, baffled like Rogue. "Wow. That's a first." Rogue looked on to the empty door way, forgetting the ache in her fingers from the tight hold, forgetting Kitty's searching gaze on her face, forgetting the journal.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
  
  
Footsteps were muffled by the soft sea green carpet he walked on. Scott's facial features were pulled in sad concentration. A frown didn't appear unusual whenever he was like this, no one would take notice. Everyone thought him too serious, but now his thoughts weren't on missions, the brotherhood, or Magneto. It was on what those two girls were arguing about.  
  
Snooping was not something he did very often but hearing as he was getting closer, he was to tell them that supper was about ready, their voices had been carried out to him. Rogue was writing something? About someone…she likes? Rogue likes someone. Inside him, he was having a hard time trying to digest it. It was even harder then the time he learned to trust her, finally he did when she saved his life on that snowing mountain, where Mystique tried to kill them both.  
  
Scott had once thought her the enemy, some one dangerous to be around, her powers greater then his own. It wasn't true if he looked at it another way. Rogue was only dangerous to those who want to hurt her. And he doesn't want to hurt her. Physically or mentally. She is a kind of friend someone really needs. She quietly listens, understands, knows how you felt in everyway. She listened to him. Talked to him. Didn't have to withdraw…But he had to dig in to have her talk to him, he tired many times before that day on the mountain.  
  
One thing he never tell was how pretty she was. Beautiful even. She had first appeared to him like a gothic girl, with her dark clothes, black lipstick and eye shadow, the stark of white was a contrast to that darkness. He wouldn't change a thing about her, yet he pictured her in so many other ways too. If her hair was wavy and long, or wearing pink lipstick and lighter colors, or if she wore dresses and light clothes. No…She shouldn't change in his thoughts, she was special to him no matter what.  
  
Yet why was he so nervous? Many times he was so close to blurting that question 'would you go out with me?' A way to show how much he cared about her. Though he became scared of rejection. Rogue never really went out at all, no real friends from school did she hang out with, she seemed such a loner and liked it that way. Even when she was with the Brotherhood, she didn't really seem as close to them as she was here.  
  
Now who did she really like? She said Kitty was wrong, he still had that doubt, she was blushing. He couldn't miss it, even with his blood red shades, the blush surly stood out. Who could he be? Kurt? No. As he learned from the Professor, Mystique was his mother, also Rogue was the shifter's daughter, Rogue knew that after Kurt found out his true parentage. So it wouldn't be him. Was it Evan? He seemed a little too energetic for her tastes. But what was her taste? He didn't have the guts to ask.  
  
Music filtered out from the closed door of Evan's room. He recognized that song. 'Angel' by Stabbing Westward…As he was drawn closer he could hear the lyrics more clearly.  
  
'I have never felt I had a home  
  
Even in a crowd I felt alone  
  
I'd almost given up on life  
  
I'm fully determined now  
  
And never thought I'd ever feel again.'  
  
How those words felt so true. Somehow that reminded how Rogue and him were alike. Outside so many shunned her for how she looked and dressed, and him in the inside, how no one seemed to understand how deprived and alone he was with this mutation. He could look at anyone without his shades. But in a sense he looked to see everyone the same, no one looked different, just red. Everyone was equal. Only Rogue had a tug on his heart.  
  
He made that crush on Jean an excuse. A way to hide how he really felt. Maybe to even make Rogue jealous? He crushed that idea, he would be shallow to think that. Everyone thought he liked Jean, he didn't advance to change their minds. What he did argue about was the whispers and gossip people did when ever Rogue past by. He didn't miss that, the looks, the fear. He set them straight about what they thought of her, did Rogue notice? No. Not that he knew of.  
  
At Evan's door he knocked on it, hearing the song ending and the volume turning down to his interruption. "Yeah!?" Evan's voice called. "Supper is up." Ah! He forgot to tell Rogue! Remembering, has been lost in his thoughts, he turned back to run, heading towards her room. Geez, one day he is going to be in big trouble if he lets his mind wander too far. Rounding a corner he finds Kitty and Rogue heading out down the hall, the opposite direction he was going. Guess the Professor called by telepathic link.  
  
Curiosity killed the cat…But hey! He wasn't Kitty. He had to find out what was in that journal. His heart depended on it. Actually curiosity was killing him! His body inside was twisting in knots, dread, nervousness, fear. His conscience was ramming over and over. 'Don't do it!' He had to! Though it was an invasion in privacy…he had to know.  
  
Inside her room he was hit by the sweet smell of roses, spices, lavender. Kitty's scent candles. Rogue didn't smell like that, she spelled of earth, fresh rain, pure. The smell that lighted his body, grasping it like the wind, slipping through his fingers. He looked around, seeing Rogue's bed, where she sat before when he had stepped in. He had to step in when Kitty was talking, he wasn't ready to hear what Rogue would say, who it was, he had to interrupt before anything could go further.  
  
Breathing it in, he felt a little dizzy, all these scents coming in all at once. Scott wondered what Rogue room would look if she didn't have Kitty for a roommate. A gulp nearly choked on his throat, doubts to do this was coming faster, bothering him, his want was still there. Taking steps towards the bed…Gods the journal was right there! It was something of private, why would she have it right in the open. Could she have forgotten it?  
  
Without another thought more that his want controlled his body, shaky fingers clutched the velvet crimson book. It felt silky under his touch, nearly slipping from the light grasp. He had a good boy reputation since he had to grow up fast, not wanting to get into trouble with his powers, this would go against everything…He had a strange thought to why the professor hasn't stopped him…did he want him to know? It was all to complicated.  
  
Getting a better grip on the book, too late to turn back now since the pages have been open. Some well kept booked pressed blue bells in between some written pages, little pictures, doodles. He went back to the very first page, a poem, right in the middle, her hand writing was impressive, not girlish, cursive and small.  
  
I know I am not normal...  
  
Just touch me with your flesh and you will see...  
  
Try to touch me, hold me, kiss me...  
  
Then you'll run away...  
  
Why see my curse?  
  
See my pain?  
  
See my weakness?  
  
What can I do but run away from you...  
  
Afraid at what you would see...  
  
Then drive me away...  
  
I want to be held, loved, and cared...  
  
But will you be there?  
  
For me...?  
  
Wow. It was passionate. Filled with emotion. He never knew Rogue was a poet…This was amazing. Her emotions were expressed delicately, what she felt and feared. She feared someone would run away, fear her of who she was. It was understandable. He felt the same. Flipping through to where she must have last written, another poem, it didn't look to be finished. It had his breathless. 'You can't open your eyes…' Did she mean him? He was the only one that couldn't, not without his shades. Maybe just maybe…it was him who she liked.  
  
Did he really thought that if he, Scott, might be the one that Rogue liked more then a friend. If he was…Would he be joyous? Sad? Scared? It was all just having him on the edge, just turn back a page.  
  
"Scott!"  
  
Rogue's southern accent could not be ignored from her shocked call. The journal fell from his hands and made a thump on the floor. He was in big trouble.  
  
  
  
____________________________________________________________________________ _______  
  
Should I continue this? Or just for your eager minds to leave it at that for a nasty cliffhanger? Don't flame me please! This was my first fan- fiction for X-men: Evolution, my favorite couple for romance was Scott and Rogue. I would like some reviews in what you think.  
  
Now those poems both belong to me.  
  
Disclaimer: X-men characters belong to the animators and writers, whatever, Angel belongs to Stabbing Westward.  
  
-Keeshe Kal'daka- 


	2. Breaking Trust: Rogue's point of view

This can't be happening. Its all some sort of crazy dream. I am NOT seeing Scott in my room, my journal in his hands. But it wasn't in his hands now, after I gave out my shock and calling his name, which scared the hell out of him, the book was a heap on the floor. He looked to be as frozen as I. I tried to think this wasn't true, harder and harder I wanted to just 'wake up'! Yet as far as I now know, I'm not dreaming! So he is there, his jaw slightly dropped, and looking a lot paler then me.  
  
Anger slipped into my blood filled veins after shock had evaporated. My jaw clench so tight I could feel it throb and scream for release. Trust was something she found very fragile, so fragile that when one thing goes wrong for her and her 'friends', it breaks. My trust was very thin, I had too much of a hard, anti-social life to truly trust someone at all. And what I see Scott in here with my book in his hand, this had broken everything I was working up for.  
  
"Scott." I saw him flinch from the softness of my voice. I wasn't one to rant and rage, I had that sort of anger which scares people, the way one talks and acts where one would think they weren't mad. But I was furious. If he starts blubbering excuses, could I hold my anger long enough not to forgive him? I keep hearing my heart crying, falling into jagged pieces for what happened to trust. How much it hurts. "geh out…"  
  
I missed how my throat felt tight, that borough accent I was born with was so thick. Inside my nerves were taunt, my stomach a block of stone, I wonder if my legs would melt beneath me. My body was strumming with that anger, an energy that felt the same when I had absorbed Storms weather abilities, that charge of lighting and thunder rushing through my blood. It could have cackled and spat in my eyes as I watched him leave. Did he see how much finding this had hurt me.  
  
The sound of the door closing, then the click in the lock, all the energy which was burning inside washed away, the waves rolling back into the sea, leaving me heavy and empty. Having to breathe felt like a chore, the room was stuffy, the smell of those damn candles were choking, the room became dizzy. Does losing trust from some you have been crushing on feel this…draining?  
  
Silence was everywhere around me, it was worse then the breaking and raging I should have done, at least then I could have an excuse to stay in my room. Maybe I should have stick with my gut and not have gone back to my room, but my mind had pricked that I forgot about my journal. If I didn't come back, Scott would have read everything wouldn't he? Found out what was written there…How far did he read already before I came in. God above, I don't want to think about it anymore. The bed looks so inviting.  
  
Believe me, it takes a lot for me to be brought to tears, I never did like crying, it drains even more of my pent up emotions, makes my eyes red and puffy. My nose would tint a red, making me feel like a little girl. I haven't cried since I was a little girl, if I had before, I wouldn't have remembered it. Crying now wouldn't make everything all better. Just worse. What should I do? Runaway…?  
  
NO! I ran away all the time from the problems I had, runaway when I first met the X-men, scared beyond a doubt. It was always run away from this, runaway from that…I had enough of running, this was a problem to me and my emotions not some crazy scheme that involved my powers with the Brotherhood or Mystique. I'll face what is ahead of me, with silence and pride. I won't let anything get to me. Its better to stay away from everyone until I cool down, until I forget all my true feelings that mesh into nothingness. Its better that way.  
  
Everyone will understand that. The Professor will grant me this. The journal was clutched into my hands again, feeling quite familiar, though I still wore my gloves. The bed that I collapsed on felt so good, engulfing me in a cool warmth, if it was any softer it could swallow me up. Wouldn't that work well. To be swallowed into nothing and be forgotten, how my heart yearns.  
  
Nobody came for me. No one bothers. No calls about supper, no concerns what so ever. The Professor must have known. He reads mind and no one would have guessed. He knew how she felt and being alone will be what she needed.  
  
Grasping hold of the stereo remote, I clicked the button to turn it one, the stereo system Kitty and I share. She would play some boy band that drives her crazy to dance and obsess about but drive me up the wall with a headache. We had little in common when it comes to music. I go for the hard rock or anything with a fast bass beat. I kept my thumb on the 'volume up' button, leaving it there as a song came on, it kept getting louder and louder, the bass rattle the walls. Linkin' Park. Runaway. Heh, how convenient.  
  
I wanna run away  
  
Never say goodbye  
  
I wanna know the truth  
  
Instead of wondering why  
  
I wanna know the answers  
  
No more lies  
  
I wanna shut the door  
  
And open up my mind  
  
It went on and on, the voices melting away, I couldn't even hear the guy's emotional husky yelling of words. Kitty had once said after listening to the song 'Crawling', "Should put the guy, like, out of his misery, he sounds like he was dying or something.". But I liked the music, it felt heart pounding, the kind that makes you want to get up and kick some ass. Fighting music. But today it was all a mindless dribble of words and music pounding to a simple sound of my heart.  
  
Tears tickle down my face as I rest my head on the goose down pillow.  
  
I really hated to cry. I really did.  
  
____________________________________________________________________________ _  
  
I know this is short. This was Rogue's point of view as it looks. Scott's will be the next one. I didn't really think I was going to get some many reviews so quickly. And you all wanted for me to continue. When I wrote that first part I was going to leave it there since I had no idea how to continue it. So since I got hit with inspiration again I thought I should continue…Not making this a short story but to make it a few chapters long or something. So here is chapter two. I have no idea when chapter 3 comes in but don't worry its coming!  
  
-Keeshe Kal'daka-  
  
Oh yeah, almost forgot.  
  
Disclaimer:  
  
X-men: Evolution belongs to whoever made it. [if anyone knows please tell me!]  
  
Runaway belongs to Linkin' Park.  
  
[And again thank you all for your reviews in this!] 


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